so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
