Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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