Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
