he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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