probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
