No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
