adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
