Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's Friday. Sex?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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