I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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