Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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