I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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