I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
