these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
