put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
