my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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