The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
