I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
