I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
