she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
