He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
