xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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