i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Two words: blizzard sex
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup