Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you never un-have a 4some
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.