every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."