Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed