the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.