just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize