just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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