The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
