as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How naked do you want me to be?
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