Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
