When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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