I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
