I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
