So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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