you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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