I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
