I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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