There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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