oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
