Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
