Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
