She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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