i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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