end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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