I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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