For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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