There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
