She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
