Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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