I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
