so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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