ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
