I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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