Please, let me fuck your mom
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
