It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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