Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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