I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
