How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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