Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
