just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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