I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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