wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
