even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
