I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
