thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
