After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
