Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
