I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize