i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
