I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
