I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I deserve this hangover.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
