sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
